It’s Like Family

Traveling is a funny thing.  You have to meet people quickly, bond deeply, and let go easily. And you notice how much your heart has expanded, despite leaving pieces of it everywhere you go.  People are what make travel interesting, memorable, meaningful. People are the stories behind the places.

The best way to meet people is through other people, so it’s helpful to have other people you already know.   This is not always easy when showing up in a new city half-way around the world from home.  I was fortunate to be hosted by Waldemar and Rosemary Kowalski, who have lived in Bandung, Indonesia for about four years now.  Waldemar was my Systematic Theology professor over 20 (!) years ago and it did take a few days to not feel like I should be taking notes for a future test whenever we talked.  They are both PhDs and enjoy a variety of opportunities to speak, teach, and connect with learners in their city, as well as throughout the region.

They have a beautiful home in a city known for its universities.  It’s peaceful.  The yard has several fruit trees, gorgeous flowers, and happy birds and critters, making the very air seem alive and active.  The guest rooms are on the second floor.  The wrap around balcony filled with plants made me feel like I was at a resort – it was a beautiful place of rest.

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But their home is certainly not an isolated retreat center – it’s constantly a hub of activity.  The day after we arrived, they hosted a party for a couple who would soon be leaving the city.  There must have been 80 people there, bringing food, laughter, and clearly feeling welcome and at home.   I met a number of students practicing their English so they could get their graduate degrees abroad.  The Indonesian government offers a scholarship program for anyone who gets accepted into a foreign university program, with a promise that they’ll return to Indonesia to work for at least 5 years.

Community isn’t always easy, even in the most ideal circumstances. Indonesia is generally a peaceful country, comprised of more than 17,000 islands across a huge stretch of ocean. There are more than 200 ethnic groups and 700 languages spoken throughout Indonesia. The unifying language is known as “bahasa Indonesia,” literally, “Indonesian language.”

However, they have had challenges with terrorism, sectarian conflict, and ethnic tensions. In the late 90s, there were brutal and targeted attacks against the ethnic Chinese living there. Recently, the largest tension has been between moderate and strict interpretations of Islam in presidential candidates. It’s the largest Muslim nation in the world, with 90% of the 260 million strong population claiming adherence. It’s illegal to not have a religion. Only six religions are approved, and your affiliations is printed on your ID card. In an area where distrust and isolation has had deadly consequences, knowing and loving your neighbor becomes an urgent mandate for peaceful coexistence.

The Kowalski’s have taken that mandate seriously, and have done something about it.  Capitalizing on their exotic position as American professors, they started hosting monthly movie nights for the community.  They attract mostly young people, university students or recent graduates eager to practice English and always up for a good movie.  They set up projectors, hook up speakers for surround sound, and cook all day to provide a meal, dessert and connection time for up to 100 people who join every month.

There’s always a break where a conversational topic is introduced, and a short discussion of the movie at the end.  Community is intentionally built.  There’s a mix of belief systems, faith convictions, ethnic backgrounds, and countries of origin.  But movie nights are forming deep friendships with the “regulars” who show up every month and their movie community is starting to feel like their own.

Food is always a good way to gather people to connect.  I used to tease my colleagues that I would show up at any networking event that included free food.  The Kowalski’s also host Community Dinners twice a month (as well as study groups at their home twice a week – how does your entertaining schedule measure up?)  Community Dinners take place at a local school, where they have more space for a hosted meal, a topical discussion, and some kind of activity designed to help people connect and create.

Our first community dinner was a theme around life passions.  We arrived early to set the room.  Clau was one of the organizers and had a gift of creativity.  She had gathered bits and pieces, old jars, burlap cloth, wild flowers, and designed a beautifully artistic table arrangement.  We did our best to replicate her example across the 9 tables in the room.

It’s amazing how a few decorations can transform a classroom into an inviting dining area.  Soon, the food began to arrive, catered by new friends.  There was rice, plenty of it, meat, salad, veggies, and a few sweets for dessert.  Everything was set and ready, and we said a quick blessing over the night’s activities.

 

The first student to arrive was from Tajikistan, there for university studies.  He was friendly and soft spoken.  He had a square cut beard and looked strikingly similar to Cousin Mose from The Office sitcom.  He was soon joined by more students, from Rwanda, France, Uzbekistan, and others.  We counted 15 countries represented in total.  The locals arrived later, better able to guess at the traffic conditions, which is always a feat.  Matcha!  Matcha! Matcha! Traffic!  It was a constant, yet highly unpredictable variable for any event.  I met several students who had come to Indonesia to study English.  I thought it was an odd choice of venue, but it seemed to be working, as we discussed life and food and friends on our common language.

 

I was standing next to the door when two young women came in, laughing and joking with each other.  Their headscarves were artfully draped around their faces and they were chattering in almost fluent English.  They recognized that I was new and immediately introduced themselves.  I asked where they learned to speak English so well.  “Movies!  And we practice with each other as much as we can.  We love English!”

 

They invited me to join their table.  “You didn’t get any chili sauce!  You have to try it, it’s so delicious!”

 

“Are you sure it isn’t insanely hot?”  I was suspicious.  They laughed, “Trust us, trust us!”  I dished up some sauce on my plate and went to add it to my rice and chicken.  “Oh, maybe not quite that much.  Smaller!”  It was my turn to laugh.  “Thank you for taking care of me!”  They were right, it was delicious, but certainly had a kick.

 

The program started with welcomes and introductions, and then a short message was shared about what each person does uniquely well, and what talents they have to contribute to the community.  On each table were paper cutouts that looked like plain gingerbread men, and stacks of colorful paper, scissors, glue, and markers.  The activity instructions were to create “you” in the future, living out your passion.  There was an initial swell of conversation, then quiet, as heads were bent and fierce creative concentration ensued.

At my table, I asked each gal to explain their creation.  One wanted to be a chief.  Another wanted to be a singer.  We all brought our people over to one table to admire the amazing creativity from everyone in the room.  I was shocked at some of the incredible detail included.  People were laughing, asking which was whose, and continuing conversations as they moved for more dessert.

It’s hard to build community, especially when it seems like there are so many more differences than not.  But looking at each creation, on a plain paper with bright decorations, it looked like one group of people, the same, just wanting to do different things.  They all looked more alike than different.

The evening officially ended soon after that, but friendships, old and new, continued as the students agreed on an “after party” spot to continue to evening together.  They tumbled into shared cars and motorbikes, laughing together and building relationship with people they knew better than when the night had begun.  It seemed like such a small thing, but it was so important.